I probab...

I probably shouldn't be woe-is-me right now with others in SE Asia so much worse off than I am. I wish them the best, but my LJ is where I let my guard down. It's the place where intense introspection happens /sarcasm. Anyway, it's the only place I feel comfortable ranting and raving about everyday things as shallow as they may be besides the paperbound journal I have. So feel free to skip right past this if you aren't in the mood for self-pity right now. Well, technically it isn't self pity, it's just need to get this out before brain explodes. So totally shouldn't be on right now. I have homework to do and piano to practice. I'll try and make this quick then. An hour later...heh, so not happening. I've written a Speed/Delko ficlet. I don't know if it's gonna see the light of day since I can never finish anything. Odd, it was inspired after reading the CSI: Miami books. Heh, that's the way it works. I've usually been drawn into a new fandom through its fanfic so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that only after reading the books did I finally get a handle on the characters and started writing. Squeeeee! I was going through my tapes to see what ones I could still use and I found one epsiode of Hawaii. It was the one where Gains gets left behind on "Coke Island." It's the only epsiode I have because there were time issues with LOST and my sister having broken our second VCR. And I was fighting the pull of this show. I was fighting the pull of slashyness. I already had enough to watch as it was and since the show was crap I knew it wasn't gonna be one long. Fought as hard as I could, didn't work. Got sucked in especially after reading the so very limited fic in this fandom. Fell in love with Gains/Edwards and now I'm desparately looking for downloands. Someone's offered to put them up on yousendit.com, they say it's gonna take awhile. So happy I'm gonna get them but the waiting is killing me. I'm afraid of finishing anything or so it seems, evidenced by the several trillion fics I have started but haven't gotten back to finish. Everyone (Danny, Martin, Sheppard, Ford, etc.) only pops in every now and then and it's always with a new fic idea. They never want to finish what they started the last time they visited me. I swear I'm either gonna need to beat them into submission to finish what they start or go see a fic shrink so she can determine why I have this fear of finishing things. And it's not because I lose interest in the idea, I really do love several of my ideas, I just don't know... I recently had a binge where I was able to go back to the same fic over and over and actually get somewhere with it. Totally not D/M because they are the mother of being not able to finish anything other than that really awful fic I managed to post. The ship's Shep/Ford which is really shiny and slashy and from the promos of the restart of the season this month in danger because Shep kisses a chick. Possibly some alien girl and then there's still hardly any Ford. I've manageed to download the first episode when they come back on and like before the hiatus there's hardly any Ford. For their I kept getting ideas, but jotted those down elsewhere and managed to continue onwards with the one I first started, but alas that is no more. I managed to write about 4 pages in really, really small handwriting. And that's a lot coming from me. I think I stopped it when I got the idea for the ending. This half formed plot sprang on me and from where I stopped I was a looooong way from getting to my end. I guess that scared me off because I just stopped writing all things related to that fandom. I've moved on to Speed/Delko mentioned above, though that seems more like a one shot more than anything else. Most likely it all has something to do with the fact that I work without a plot outline because well if I even attempt an outline the fic stalls right there. I swear my muse hates order. Chaos is her calling and any attempt to change that drives her into abandoning the current project. So anyone, help please, on my inability to finish. Techniques, methods, ways, etc. whatever you do to conquer this inability to finish something or reccommend me to a good muse/fic shrink. Help! Before I am buried under a pile of unfinished fics. Hmmm... McShep is slighty growing on me, not to the point where I'll read fics because that just is...not right. My OTP is Shep/Ford and I'm very dedicated to my OTPs and will favor them and screw canon *cough*WaT*cough* anytime of the week. School starts tomorrow. Don't wanna go. I liked being able to do whatever I want, not having to worry about homework or getting enough sleep to survive through the school day. Hell, I really don't want to go through the panic of upcoming finals either. God, second winter break is sooo far away. About a month and a half away. Can't wait for it to get here. Hmm... is it bad to think that you might just prefer to live as a recluse? As long as I have my LJ friends of course, but otherwise I could just about give up most of my friends in RL and barricade myself in my house. Aversion to high school politics talking, but right now that looks like a really nice prospect. Doing whatever I wanted, submerging myself in fandom without having other things I should be doing on my mind, etc. Heh, really should start using lj-cuts more. Entries are getting really long. Off to do all the crap I put off until today.